There were three men who were on a cruise ship through the ocean that hit a rock and sank. The three guys survived by swimming to a nearby island that seemed empty. Unfortunatly, it was inhabited by canibals who took the three men in to the village to eat. In the village, the men pleaded for their lives, so the chief of the tribe came to them. The Chief told them to go in the jungle and collect 10 of any fruit, but all 10 have to be the same. And so the men ran into the jungle to collect their order. The first man returned with 10 apples. The Chief said to shove all 10 up their butts in order to be set free, but if ANY expresion is made, they will be killed and eaten. The first man nervously began to put in one apple, but as he put in the second one, he squinched in pain. He then got killed and eaten. The second man returned with 10 grapes, and the Chief told him the same rule. He agreed and began to put them up his pooper. 1..2...3...4..5..6..7..8..... As he was inserting the 9th grape, he suddenly burst out in laughter. He then got killed and eaten. In heaven, the first man ran up to the second man and asked, 'Hey! You almost made it out alive! Why did you laugh?!' The second man replied, 'Because I saw the third guy come back with durians!'
Season Ticket
A husband was engrossed in a magazine while his wife was reading the newspaper. Suddenly, she burst out laughing."Get this," she said. "Some guy put an ad in here offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.""Hmmmmm," her husband mumbled, still engrossed in his magazine.Wanting to test him, she asked, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?""Absolutely not!" he said."That's so sweet," she replied. "Tell me why not.""Heck, the season's more than half over!" he said.
Scottish At A Baseball Game
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"
Passing Football
A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the football team. The coach asked him if he could tackle and he said, "Hell yah, get a load of this!"
And with that knocked over a telephone pole as if it were made of balsa wood.
The coach was dumbfounded and asked if the boy could run, to which the boy replied, "Hell yah!" and he sprinted from endzone to endzone like lightning.
The coach stood there with his mouth agape to see such a huge boy run so fast. He finally composed himself and said, "But can you pass a football?"
Thsurely pass it!" e freshman stopped to think for a few seconds, then said, "Hell yah, if I can swallow it, I can pass it out....
wawawa get it?????
tat's all,
